It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
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Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
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I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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