Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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