its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
