Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
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He uses pillows to masturbate.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
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Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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