When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
