I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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