She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize