you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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