Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
