Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
