I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I wear drunk well.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
