the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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