Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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