...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
