Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
