Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
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He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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