guys are not supposed to queef...right?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Randomize
