it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
