with your own penis?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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