She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
