one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
