hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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