i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
