apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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