Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
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He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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