I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
