im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize