I cannot find my penis.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
