hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
