she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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