I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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