note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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