True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
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i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
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Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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