so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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