I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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