I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
