i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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