Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
