Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house