He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie