Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.