I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize