mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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