I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
