Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
