you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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