enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
