i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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