If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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