i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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