this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
