thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
