Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My ATM looks so different sober.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize