Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
