you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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