What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
even my farts smell like vagina
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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