first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
