youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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