idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
