you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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