i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
