She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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